2011

… has been a really rough year.

I don’t know how to sum up this entire year in words, it’s just strange. Strangely unfamiliar. Everything and every event is in bits and pieces. It’s the year I turned 18, but so what? So what about being 18 if you continue to meet immature people around you and yourself being so annoyingly immature at times too. Is this all really part of growing up? 

That at the end of each year, we’d always wish there was some point in time, for some events, we had made more logical, rational and mature decisions that is well thought out instead of being a naive adolescent who lets our emotions take control. 

I don’t really know what these 2 years in HC has given me besides, a lot of harsh realisations. I still cry whenever I think about these 2 years. It has really been a nightmare. I honestly if anyone even feels as much as I do, maybe I am really weak, I am this outspoken about these negativity… the only things I’m grateful for are a handful of true friends and HCCD. And perhaps a holistic education. But nothing else… I cringe at the thought of some of the people I meet here, how judgemental they get, sometimes I barely even know who they are. People who assume they know who I am when we don’t even really know each other. I try to ignore all these feelings but it’s not easy, which is why i eventually shut myself away and just lead on my life. Maybe it’s a reason why I will never fit in, or allow myself to fit in. It’s a hurtful process and it’s a painful ending.

It’s really been one of the toughest year to get by in my life. With so much uncertainty about my future. A level results and stuff… I really don’t know if I can ever make it. 

I may appear so full of confidence about myself (from what ppl tell me) and all but every girl has her own insecurities. And I am fucking insecure everytime it comes to studies in HC. Ok i think it is just this HC brand name that makes me feel like a loser all the time academically…how ironic?!

But I’m glad to have met people who really cared and have been there. they’re the ones who’ve always kept me going on despite how stupid and annoying i can get. Whenever I whine or complain like a bitch about trivial things and all… they’ve always been there and always picked me up or scold me for being overly sensitive.. they’re the people i never wanna drift apart from :’) 

I’m not even talking about the year anymore im talking about my hc life AGAIN~ but 2011 has been a hectic school year so…. idk. what.to.type because I AM CRYING AGAIN WTF #weakforever

I really need to stop letting small things affect me. Maybe some people and I are really not meant to ever be friends? I have really refrained from saying this but.. I miss Anderson. 

I truly miss how everyone has been so real to each other.